with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
