Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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