he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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