We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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