he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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