I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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