I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
