Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
