im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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