I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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