I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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