No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
