I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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