ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
His hands were made for my vagina.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
