So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize