saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
