dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
