well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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