He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize