I'm going to rape someone's good day.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize