My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
