Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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