Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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