I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
