Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
