There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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