i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
