Pappa wants mamma naked
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
