my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize