you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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