Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize