got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
