I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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