I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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