wrigley field is MILF paradise
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
