That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
