Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
