Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Terrible idea I love it
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
