Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
