put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
