I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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