i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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