i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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