im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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