I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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