3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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