He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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