My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize