You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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