You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
