I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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