I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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