You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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