The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
