How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
