Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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