I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
