you guys were way drunker than both of me
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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