I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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