Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
