Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
