The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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