Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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