I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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