Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
