Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
