it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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