I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize