Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
