hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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