Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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