You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
